Art: Friday Self Portrait 001

A time honoured tradition among painters is the self portrait, and I, for some probably deeply neurotic reason, have never attempted to paint one. Vincent Van Gogh could fill a gallery with the images he’d painted of himself. Me? I couldn’t fill a stamp.

There’s some barrier that’s prevented me from embracing the idea. Maybe it just feels egotistical or something.

In truth, I don’t even like being photographed. If I see someone aiming their camera at me, I dart down an alley into a dumpster, or throw myself out of the nearest window. I’m not even sure why. There’s nothing wrong with the way I look – I just end up in very few photos, and those that I appear in tend to be in the least flattering of conditions (probably reclining in poor light, eating and crying; mid-blink).

I love photography. I just don’t like being IN photography.

And good god, please shoot me if you ever catch me taking selfies. Shoot me with a gun, that is – not a camera. I hate being photographed.

Actually, you can use an axe if you see me trying to look kind of bemused while looking off into the distance – out the window of a train perhaps – snapping dozens of photos blindly from my outstretched arm. I clearly don’t deserve to have limbs at that point.

Still life of Idiot

Still life of Idiot

So here it is. The first.

And y’know what? I’m actually not all that happy about the way it turned out – and that’s fine, because I’ll do another one in a week. That’s right. Fridays are for self portraits now. I’m going to try and make it a regular exercise, and eventually, I might actually paint one that I like.

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