Art: Interview with a Bapire

On a whim I painted a picture of a really nasty looking vampire. Not the beautiful porcelain skinned fang elves you see in TV and movies, but an odd, sunken, parasitic creep. Something no amount of “glamour” could induce anyone to find romantic.

"I came to Amerika to make de seksi bapire moobies."

“I came to Amerika to make de seksi bapire moobies.”

As I worked on it I imagined this wave of vampire immigrants from eastern europe moving to Canada and the US looking for employment in the film industry after seeing all the fuss over Twilight, True Blood, and the Vampire Diaries. Imagining that they’d be shoe-ins for fame and fortune in the new world, all these hideous monsters from the dark corners of Europe emerge and start showing up for auditions around Los Angeles, New York, and Vancouver like they were entitled, supernatural Borats.

So I finished this vampire and kind of left it where it was. The caption told all the story I needed it to.

“I came to Amerika to star in de seksi bapire moobies.”

The word Bapire kind of came from Guillermo Del Toro. Years ago I watched some of the behind the scenes documentaries on Blade II and loved the way he spoke about his love of “bapire moobies”. It stuck with me.

I hadn’t really given the piece much thought until a friend of mine found it on Facebook. This conversation ensued.


Then more bapires.

bapire 2

“Esteban Buscemi is most fame bapire in telebision broadcast.”

bapire 3

“I can star in films like Bilbo and ein Hobits aventyr. Will play elfs or dwarfs but will not play gollums.”

bapire 4

“I get photo shoot and they put a tattoo on my beard and a beard on my face.”

bapire 5

“Von, two, three. Ah ah ah!”

I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing with all these, but they were fun little warm-up exercises. I’m probably going to end up doing more. Perhaps I’ll create a whole bunch of them and give them stupid back-stories and follow their miserable careers in the TV and Film Industries. Who knows? I’m stupid like that sometimes.

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One comment

  1. Sara LeeAnn · January 30, 2015

    Your captions are brilliant.

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